Wednesday, August 31, 2011

How do you want to live your life?


My mom has given me the same advice for years: figure out how you want to live your life then the rest will fall into place. For years I thought I understood what that meant. I want to have a job and make a decent living, fall in love and eventually have a family. I want to be a good person that helps others. That’s a pretty broad idea of what I thought life should be, and until recently that’s about all I had.

As I mentioned before I moved away from my life and have jumped into an entirely new world. This transition has forced me to gain a new understanding of my mom’s advice. I don’t have an excuse to not consider how I really want to live. I’m not in school anymore. I don’t have the same church family. My life is new and different in every way.

Throughout my life I have seen high peaks and low pits of hell. I know where I don’t want to be. I know what kind of person that I never want to be again. I have tried on personalities like others try on clothes. I’m ready for the world to see me. I know who I am and I’ve always known but it was easier to try on those personalities. No one cared if I was me as long as I fit in. But everything has changed. Those simple words my mom has always said mean more.

So how do I want to live my life?

Well, I now have at least part of an answer: I want to be me. I don’t want to care what anyone else thinks of me because I know God created me the way I am for a fantastic reason. I want to love my God with all my heart and soul and I want that to shine through in my life. I want to help the world by showing people that politics is not scary and that not everyone in politics is terrible. I want to help people who can’t help themselves. I want to be a part of a revolution even if that means just writing about others in their fight for survival and bringing their fight and their courage to light in our country.  I want to be the best friend that I can be. I want to forgive and be forgiven. I want to laugh every single day. I want to fall in love. Most importantly I want to be happy everyday of my life, maybe not the entire day but at least part of it.

I know how I don’t want to live my life. I’ve already done that; I’ve already been that girl. Its time for me to take that advice to heart and live how I want to live and let everything else fall into place.

How do you want to live your life? It sounds like a simple question doesn’t it? Are you really living the life you want to?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

7 Weeks Ago Today I Moved.


Seven weeks ago today I moved. I packed up my life with help from family and friends and moved to Atlanta, GA. It was the most terrifying decision I have ever made. I moved without a job and no prospects of one. Not my best planning. But for some reason I felt like this was where God wanted me to be. Since I’ve moved down here however, I have lost faith in God’s plan. Until today.

Today was the first truly blessed day that I have had in so long that I can’t even remember. Last Sunday I went to church alone for the first time ever. Now I’ve grown up in the church and love God but I’ve never really had to change my life for Him. Buckhead Church and all that has come since last Sunday has changed that. I walked through those doors terrified that no one would speak to me. I was more scared to go to church alone than I was to go on an interview (which I had the next day) but of course Satan is a little more worried about me getting a good Christian family than a job so the pressure was on for him to take me down. And my goodness did he work on it. He tried his hardest until I walked through the doors and wiped him off my feet and really learned what it meant to “let go and let God”. That for me was a major accomplishment. It ended up being just what I needed. And then God provided even more.

This morning I woke up and was tired and really didn’t want to get ready for church and go alone again but I did it anyway. I got there and sat down and God must have been giggling at my nervousness because He knew what was in store for me today. A group sat down next to me and spoke to me. Now this may not sound like a big deal to you but for me this meant the world. J and E introduced themselves and made me feel at home. But God wasn’t done with my day yet.

After an amazing lunch where I felt completely welcome and comfortable, two things I have not felt in quite some time, I ended up attending Passion City Church service. God was there. He was there in full force. God just overwhelmed me with how much love he has for me and showed me people that surprised me. These Godly people that love the Lord with all of their hearts and souls and are crazy enough to give up their entire Sunday to praise God. Where I’m from you go to church and then maybe lunch and then you watch the game. That’s not quite how these people work it seems.

God hasn’t brought me to tears in a while but He sure did tonight. He broke me down. Which was a little embarrassing I must say. The amount of praise for the Lord in that sanctuary could have brought me to my knees.

I thank God for these amazing new people in my life and for breaking me and reminding me that I can still be brought to tears by Him. Showing me that He has so much more to surprise me with. But most importantly He showed me in billboard form that He really will provide.

I’m not sure how my life will be tomorrow or in ten years but I want to be brought to tears by God’s amazingness over and over because He truly is stellar.